Full Metal Alchemist in a Nutshell
by Ayumi Elric
Summary: My own twisted version of Full Metal Alchemist. Because FMA deserves to be twisted, right? And if I wasn't gonna do it, who would? Don't answer that. Warning: Total weirdness and slight amount of FMAbased crack. Nothing makes sense. You have been warned!
1. Complete nonsense

**Welcome one and all 2 the Full Metal Alchemist in a Nutshell! This is my first fanfiction, so if you don't like it…don't hurt me!**

**Disclaimer: Do I really haveta do this? Don't you people know I don't own Full Metal Alchemist? sigh I don't own Full Metal Alchemist. Or Michael Jackson. Cause if I did own Michael Jackson, I would commit suicide. Seriously.**

**Okay, ACTION!**

Ed and Al, both little kids are sitting on the floor. Ed finishes drawing a hugie transmutation circle on the floor.

"You ready Al?" Ed asks Al, looking at him.

"Uhuh." Al replies, nodding his head.

"Don't be scared Al. Everything's perfect" So he says.

Ed and Al both put their hands on the transmutation circle, and it starts glowing yellow. Dramatic music starts playing in the background.

"Okay, what you're seeing now is alchemy. It's a really cool science thingy that involves understanding matter, deconstructing it, and reconstructing it as something else. Really cool stuff. But, since alchemy is a science, it has to follow the natural laws. To obtain something, something of equal value must be lost. You'll here that a lot, at the beginning of each episode." Ed says while you watch the two kids transmuting.

"Hey Nii-san, watcha doing?" Al says.

"Al, go away. I'm doing the commentary thing." Ed said, annoyed.

"How come you get to do it! I'm just as important a character as you!" Al complains.

"Cause this is MY show! So go away." Ed yells at Al.

"Fine!" Al leaves.

"Okay, back to the show folks." Ed says.

The yellow light from the transmutation turns purple and red. "What the heck?" Little Ed says, looking around.

"Nii-san! Something's wrong!" Al yells over the whoosing sounds.

'No duh' Ed thought.

Al screams. Ed turns around, seeing Al's arm beginning to disappear.

"Al!" Ed yelled, about to run over to him. He trips, looking at his leg, which is also disappearing.

"Nii-san! Nii-san!" Al yells, getting pulled into the gate.

"ALLL!" Ed yelled, reaching over to him. Dramatic moment now, Ed is just about to grab Al's hand when it disappears.

The lights fade, and Ed is on his knees.

"Al? Al! How could this have happened!" Ed cries.

Smoke clears, and hip music slowly fades in

"Mom? Is that you?"

Smoke clears completely. Tight black pants, and golden, sparkly shoes can been seen. Another shot of a bright red leather jacket with a shinyful silver glove shows.

Ed's eyes open wide.

A close-up of…Micheal Jackson's face shows up. He sings loudly "Hee,hee!"

Ed screams. "AAAAAAAAUUUGGGHHHHH!" Dun Dun Duuuuuuuun!

So anyway, many years past, and you see hot and sexy Ed in a desert.

"I hate deserts. There's nothing but sand." Ed falls face-first on the ground.

"I'm huuuuuungry!" Ed whined, then looked up. "Hey! Al? Where did you go?" Ed says, looking around and showing his cute butt to the audience. "WOOOO! YEAH! SHAKE IT!" Yell the audience.

"I'm over here!" Al said, his voice muffled. A hand pops out of the ground and grabs Ed.

"AUGH! DON'T EAT ME!" Ed screams.

"Nii-san. It's me. I sank again." Al says.

"Again!" Ed says sarcastically.

10 minutes later

"Why the hell do you keep sinking!" Ed yells, panting and sitting on his suitcase.

"I get full." Al said, his armor looming over Ed.

"Full of what!" Ed yells, kicking Al. His chestplate falls off, and Ed gets buried in kittens.

"Oh, snap…" Al sayd, inching away from his brother.

"ED SMASH!" Ed yelled, exploding from the kitty dogpile.

All the kitties get mad at Ed, and start chasing him.

"AUGH!" Ed screamed, kitties pouncing at him and hanging onto his red jacket.

20 minutes later

Ed and Al are walking down the street of a town. Ed is pulling cats off of him.

"You okay Nii-san?"

"Why the hell do you have cats inside you? And from where?" Ed said in a huff, pulling the last cat off his braid.

"Um…internet." Al says, tapping his index fingers together.

"We don't have a computer. Whatever, I'm thirsty." Ed says, dragging his feet on the road. "I can almost hear water running." Ed said, passing a fountain.

"Uh…Nii-san?" Al points to the fountain.

"AL! Look! Water!" Ed says, eyes wide.

Al sighs, covering his face with his hand.

"Water, water, water, water, water, water, water, water, water!" Ed yelled, throwing his suitcase in the air and running toward the fountain.

Jerry walks out of the hospital. "Finally! After 6 months of being in a coma from that freak suitcase accident and I'm finally from!" He says happily, when Ed's suitcase falls from the sky and knocks him into a coma.

"Water!" Ed yelled once more, diving into the fountain. He swam to the surface, spitting out 'water', and diving under again.

Al walked over to the fountain, looking at its contents. "Nii-san, this isn't water. This is red wine."

Ed ignored Al, climbing to the top of the fountain. "Hay all yers peoples!" Ed slurred, waving his arms around in the air. "Who wants to see a real man!"

"US! WE DO! WOOO!" The audience roars.

Ed rips off his shirt and jacket, throwing it into the crowd. Members of the audience fight and wrestle and show off meaningless violence. "YES! ED'S JACKET'S MINE! NO, ITS MINE BITCH! OWW! HEY, I WANT IT!" While Ed starts flexing his arms/automail and showing off his smexy, muscular bod and singing "I'm to sexy for my shirt, to sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts."

"Oh, man. Shouldn't you be setting an example for me?" Al said, sighing.

"Hey, who's the shrimp on the wine fountain?" Tommy asked his friend Ron. Ron shrugged.

On the fountain, a vein popped onto Ed's head. "WHO THE HLL ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT HE CAN BE STEPPED ON BY A FLEA!" Ed yelled, grabbing Tommy and Ron by the legs and spinning them around.

"AUGH! WE DIDN'T SAY THAT!" Tommy and Ron shouted, getting dizzy.

"Nii-san! Let them go!" Al commanded.

Ed let go of Tommy and Ron, and they flew in the sky. "WE'RE BLASTING OFF AGAIN!" They shouted, then disappeared with a ding!

Rose walks over, holding groceries. "What's with all the hubba?" she askes.

"I didn't take the cookies out of the cookie jar, I swear!" Ed yelled, hiccupping.

Al sighed. "I'm sorry about my brother. He's drunk."

Rose nodded. "Oh, okay."

"Hey Rose, you bringing that to Father Cornello?" Mr. Shop Guy says, pointing to her groceries.

"Yup!" Rose says, smiling.

Ed bangs on the counter. "Hey shop guy! Where's the grub!" Ed slurred, sitting on a stool and magically obtaining another shirt and jacket.

Mr. Shop Guy takes the radio, which is talking about car sales, and smashes it on Ed's head.

Ed slumps over onto the counter, unconscious.

"Nii-san!" Al yells, running over to his unconscious brother.

"Hey! You busted the radio!" Rose yelled at the Shop Guy, pointing the shattered remains of a cheap radio.

"Oh, I did, didn't I." Mr. Shop Guy said, scratching the back of his head.

"I can fix it!" Al says, forgetting about his brother who is currently bleeding onto the counter. He doodles a transmutation circle on the ground. ( Al, not Ed. Ed is unconscious.)

"What are you doing?" Mr. Shop Guy said.

"Just shut your trap and watch." Al replies, putting his hand on the transmutation circle. Ka-boom! A blue flash of lightning hits the broken radio and magically fixes it. Everyone except Ed goes "Oooooh. Aaaaah."

"Wagh! I didn't do it! It was Al!" Ed yells, waking up from the sound of the transmutation.

"Hey!" Al said annoyed.

"Huh? What happened?" Ed asked, rubbing his head.

"Wow! You can do miracles like Father Cornello!" Rose said, her eyes full of sparkles.

"Miracles? No way, we're alche-" Ed started, when Rose grabbed his arm and started dragging him away. "Ack!"

"I'm sure Father Cornello would want to see other prophets of the sun god!" Rose said, dragging Ed toward Cornello's place.

Rose dragged Ed over to Cornello's house. Al followed, his armor clanking loudly on the paved ground.

Cornello was at his office, watching the birds poop on the giant statue of the sun god. He sees Ed being dragged by Rose, and Al following them. Cornello magically knew that the blond shorty was the Full Metal Alchemist."I'm going to go greet out guests." He told his pet pigeon Fabeo. Fabeo pooped on his face. Wiping the smelly bird poop off his face, Cornello stuffed a gun down his shirt (very dangerous kids! Don't try that at home!) and went to meet his guests.

"Hey! Let go of me!" Ed yelled, jerking his arm away from Rose.

"Nii-san, be nice." Al said, putting his hands on his hips.

"Al, you do know this is the English dub of the show. Nii-san is japenese." Ed pointed out.

"Yeah, but Nii-san sounds cooler." Al said plainly.

"Whatever floats your boat Al." Ed said, shrugging.

Father Cornello walks over to them. "Welcome travelers." He said.

"Hey, this old guy smells like bird poop." Ed said, pointing at Cornello and pinching his nose shut.

"What the fu-" Cornello started, but got a flying kick from Ed. Cornello fell on his big, fat butt.

"You know you can't curse on this show!" Ed said, wagging a gloved finger.

"But, Nii-san. You curse all the time." Al pointed out.

"Yeah, but this is my show. I can do anything I want." Ed said smugly.

'I haven't had a line in a while.' Rose thought, standing there.

"Enough of the chitty chiity chit chat!" Cornello yelled, pulling the gun out of his shirt. He pointed it at Al, and shot him in the head. Al's head flew off, and his armor fell to the ground.

"Surprised expression!" Ed said, looking surprised.

Rose screamed loudly.

**Is Al a goner? Will Rose get a line anytime soon? Why is Ed so drop-dead sexy? What ever happened to Michael Jackson? And did Tommy and Ron ever make it back to human civilization ever again? Find out in the next chapter!**

**By the way, everytime you don't review, Michael Jackson gets more plastic surgery. So for the love of humanity, please review!**


	2. insert title here

**Hola amigos! Thanks for opening up the next chapter of Full Metal Alchemist in a Nutshell! Just to let you know, I wrote this in Spanish class while Mr. Garcia was blabbing on about ser and estar. I'm sacrificing my chances of being and excelente Spainard to bring the hilariousity and fabbyness of the nutshell. Ah, well. Sacre bleu, I need sleep.**

**Disclaimer: IdontownfullmetalalchemistsandallthesmexyandhotcharactersinitlikEdjoasfodvhsivodsh.**

**MUFFINS!**

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Cornello laughed insanely. He snapped his fingers. Men in black surrounded Ed with shiny light sabers.

"Father! Why are you doing this? He was a fellow prophet of the sun god!" Rose said. 'Finally, I got a line'

"We're alchemists dumbass!" Ed yells, magically obtaining a light saber, and battling the men in black.

"Shut up Fullmetal!" Cornello shouts. "Rose, come with me so I can bring back your darling."

Al stands up. "You can't get rid of me so early in the show." He said, his helmet laying on the floor.

"YEEEEEEEEEEKKKKK! WHERE IS YOUR BODY!" Rose shrieks, pointing to Al like he's a tin-canned freak.(which he kinda is)

"Um, it's kinda complicated…" Al said, picking up his helmet and attaching it to his armor.

"YEEEEEK! FATHER CORNELLO!" Rose yells, running over to him.

"WAHAHA! I WIN!" Cornello yells. "BOW DOWN TO ME PUNY MAN!"

Ed stops in his tracks of beating up men in dark shades and suits. He slowly turns to Cornello, his eyes red.

"Eep…uh, go my chimera that I have created with the Philosopher's Stone!"Cornello shouted, pointing his finger at Ed.

Suddenly, a half cat, half alligator chimera appears and pounces at Ed, tearing at his red jacket.

Ed kicks him in the face, sending him flying.

"WOOOO! YEAH! THAT'S SOOOO HOT!" The audience cheers, being restrained by heavily muscled men.

"Oh, snap!" Cornello said as Ed walked closer to him, grinning evily.

"Get ready to go to the darkest depths of hell!" Ed yells, clapping his hands together.

"Wait, I have the Philosopher's Stone! You couldn't hurt me if you tried!" Cornello yells, showing off the ring.

"Fine, I won't hurt you. Just give me the stone." Ed said, holding out his hand.

"Noooooo!" Cornello howled, "This is my precious!" Cornello cried, holding his precious close to him. "My sweet. My love. My preciousssss." Cornello cooed softly to the ring. "No nasty hobbitses will take you from me. Gollum, Gollum." Cornello croaked.

"Who the hell are you calling a hobbit!" Ed yelled, not knowing what a hobbit was.

"How come I'm not getting any lines in this show?" Rose asked Al, who happens to be standing next to her.

Al shrugged. "You'll get more lines near the end of the show when some crazy rotton boobied woman tries to take over your body." Al said.

"What, you can tell the future?" Rose asked.

"Nah, I just read the script." Al replied."Hey, you wanna go for some pizza?"

"No thanks. I'm on a diet." Rose said.

"Anyway, you can't have it!" Cornello said, sticking his tongue out at Ed.

"Why you!"

"HAHAHAHA! FABEO! ATTACK MY PET!" Cornello yelled, laughing maniacally.

Fabeo heard his master,s call and unlocked his cage. Stepping out, he flapped his wings and flew over to Cornello, pooping on his head.

Cornello wiped the bird poop off his head, then used the Stone to transform plain old Fabeo to Super-Fabeo!

Super Fabeo dove for Ed, talons outstretched.

Ed clapped his hands, slamming them onto the ground. He transmuted a spear in a very show-offy style.

"WOOOOOO! THAT WAS SO HOT! WE LOVE YOU EDWARD!" The audience shrieked, still being restrained.

"No one loves me?" Al said, close to tears in he could cry in an empty suit of armor.

"Who would love you, you overgrown fax machine?" Rose replied, patting Al on the shoulder.

"Thanks Rose." Al said, for some reason feeling better.

Ed held his cool looking spear out. But Super-Fabeo was to strong! He broke the spear easily. "Gasp!" Ed said. "Awwwwww." The audience said, disappointed. Then Super-Fabeo grabbed Ed's left leg.

"AUGH!" Ed shouts, supposedly in pain.

"YEEEEEK!" Rose shouted, covering her eyes.

"WAHAHAHA! FEEL MY WRATH!" Cornello said, laughing evily and rubbing his hands together.

"Pysch!" Ed punched Super-Fabeo hard in the face, and he flew to the wall, cracking his head open, and landed in a heap on the floor.

"YAAAAAAAAAYYY!" The audience cheered.

"Fabeo! Noooooo!" Cornello cried, running over to the bloody mess that used to be Fabeo. He knelt down beside him. "Why did he do this to you! You were my only friend. FABEOOOOOOOOO!" Cornello yelled, sobbing after the loss of his feathery, pooping friend.

"How pathetic." Ed said, folding his arms together. "Well, time for my speech."

"A speech?" Rose asked, looking at Ed questionally.

"Yup! I'm so totally prepared for this." Ed said proudly.

"Cool, let's here it!" Rose said, pulling out a folded chair from nowhere and sitting on it.

"Okay." Ed said, grabbing the tattered remains of his jacket sleeve. He began ripping it off, when it got stuck off a screw of his automail. 'Oh, crap it's stuck.' Ed thought, tugging it even more. 'Nooooo, I was so ready for my speech! Wait, I know, I'll just take the whole jacket off. That'll save money on buying another jacket anyway.' Ed slips off his jacket, clearing his throat for his speech.

"WOOOOOOO! YEAH! YAAAAAY!" The audience screeches.

"Wait, I have an idea!" Rose said, standing up and pulling out a pair of scissors. She cut up shreds in Ed's pant legs. "No, you have to take your pants to!" Rose said cheerfully.

"YEAH! YOU GO GIRL!" The audience yells.

Ed sighed. "You know what, just forget it." 'A whole day of writing down the perfect speech, ruined!'

"Wait a sec. You got automail!" Cornello said, pointing to Ed's arm. "Hence the name Full Metal Alchemist! Full Metal limbs, I get it now!" Cornello said, laughing. "You preformed human transmutation and paid the ultimate price! WAHAHAHAHAHA! That's soooo funny!" Cornello yelled, holding his sides.

"That's not funny at all." Rose said, staring at Cornello like the old, fat, bird poop and moldy cheese smelling guy that he is.

"FOOLS!" Cornello yelled, transmutating something behind his back. He pulled out a huge gun thingy.

"OH SNAP!" Ed yelled.

"Oh snap is right! EAT THIS!" Cornello yelled, shooting at Ed and cackling.

"EDWARD!" Rose shouted.

"NII-SAN!" Al shouted also.

Rose looked at Al. "Shouldn't you be with your brother over there?"

"Oh snap, your right!" Al said, clanking over to the huge black cloud that Ed was in.

"No point, he's dead!" Cornello said cheerfully.

The smoke clears, and a wall barriacade had formed, shielding Ed.

"Oh good, your alright Nii-san. " Al said relieved.

"Why do you care? Your pretty much useless in this episode." Ed pointed out.

"Hey look! It's those jerks who are trying to destroy our religion!" Some rangom gut said. "Let's get them!" Another random guy said.

"Oh snap!" Ed raid, running off.

"Hah you fool! Only I have the exit, and its not gonna open it for you! Wahahaha!" Cornello said, laughing.

"If there's no exit, I'll make one!" Ed said, clapping his hands and making a door.

"Hey! That's unfair!" Cornello yelled.

"Remember, my show, my rules."" Ed said, running outside with Al following close behind.

"I'm not getting any lines again" Rose thought, tearing.

"Don't just stand there you idiots! Go after them!" Cornello yelled.

"Father Cornello, is what they said true? Are you really using alchemy?" Rose asked Cornello.

"Yup, but I did what they couldn't. I brought back your darling." Father Cornello said. Rose and Cornello are magically transported to a room. Strange opera-ish music fills the air as Rose sees a silhouette of some guy.

"Rose?" He says in a semi-cute deep voice.

"Kain! Your back!" Rose says, starting to walk toward the bed that 'Kain' was in. She was stopped by Cornell's crusy, unmoisturized hand on her shoulder.

"Kain's soul has been resurrected thanks to our sun god Leto. His body should be complete in a few days, or so how it says in the subtitles." Cornello says.

Rose nodded, then looked back at the bed. She noticed bird feathers on the floor.

Back to Ed and Al, who are outside.

"You know, you should have just taken the stone." Al said, folding his arms.

"Whaddya mean? You were standing 2 feet away from the old geezer!" Ed said in a huff.

"Yo people of town. Some dudes just like, tried to kill Father Cornello. The nerve of some people. Anywhos, go attack the shorty and the guy in the armor." The announcer guy says.

A huge crown forms around Ed and Al. "Its these guys all right." Some heavily bearded guy said. "Theres the short outsider kid."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A FLEA AND PARCICIUM SUPER SIZED SHRIMP!" Ed yelled in the bearded guy's face. "I DIDN'T SAY THAT!" He yelled back. "Anyway, you better not resist." He said, holding up a broom.

"How dare you try and kill Father Cornello." Some guy with a spatula said.

"A cute child like that tried to do that? How terrible!" A lady with a frying pan said.

"Religion sucks. You people are stupid for trying to spread you beliefs to others. His miracles are alchemy." Ed said.

"Lies!" Rose shouted.

The mob parts seeing Rose had magically flown there.

"I just talked to my boyfriend so HA! In your face!" Rose said.

"Has anyone even seen these resurrected people? I mean really!" Ed said.

"Silence!" Someone said.

Suddenly, statues of the sun god started moving. Everyone except Al and Ed were going "Ooooh." And Ahhhhh." About 10 statues surrounded Al and Ed.

"Oh, snap!"

One of the statues impaled Al and flung him on the ground. They started beating the crap out of him, if he had crap to beat out of him tat is.

"Al!" Ed yelled, and was hit very hard in the back of the head which I call a cheapshot. Ed fell to the ground, seeing Al being beaten to a pulp before losing consiousness.

**Is this the end for the Elric brothers? Will we ever know what happened with Micheal Jackson? And what happened to Tommy and Ron from chapter 1? Why the hll am I asking you these questions? Find out in the next chapter!**

**And remember, everytime you don't review, Ed gets called short. So for the love of fangirls everywhere, please review!**


	3. Ramblings

**Welcome back to another thrilling chapter of Full Metal Alchemist in a Nutshell! Its like, 2:15 and I'm typing this on my computer, refusing to sleep or do my homework. I can always do it tomorrow anyway, and who needs sleep? Now on to the complete ramblings I call a story!**

**Disclaimer: I DON'T FREAKING OWN FULL METAL ALCHEMIST! Or any of the smexy characters in it, namely Ed. Why do u always haveta rub it in my face? I'm some dirt-poor girl who only owns the letters, words, and ideas of this story.**

**RED DAWN!**

Ed wakes up, being held up by two men. He glares at Cornello, looking very hot since half of his shirt has been torn off, exposing some of his chest.

Cornello smirks, grabbing Ed's pocket watch, and breaking the chain.

"Hey you ass! Give that back!" Ed yells at Cornello.

"So, this is the proof that you're a state alchemist eh?" Cornello said, dangling the watch in front of Ed's face. "Your getting sleepy. Very very sleeeeeeeeeeeepy." Cornello said, waving the watch back and forth in front of Ed.

"What the hell are you doing?" Ed asked.

"Nothing! Now, take him to the dungeon!" Cornello said, pointing to exit stage right. He laughed maniacly, then started hacking and coughing. The men restraining Ed took him to the dungeon.

the next day

Mr. Bell Ringer Guy stands under the rope to ring the bell, yawning. "That was some party. I am so hung-over." He said, holding his head. "Well, time to ring the bell." He sais, grabbing the rope. He pulled on it, almost falling over. He looked up. "HOLY CHEESE AND HAM ON HONEY WHEAT WITH A GLASS OF MILK ON CHINA! THE BELL'S GONE!" Mr. Bell Ringer Guy exclaimed. In the backround, you can see Al sneaking away with the bell.

meanwhile in the deep dark dungeon of deadly doom (that's a lot of 'D's)

Ed sat on the ground, his hands bound over his head. He leaned on the wall, sighing. The sound of a door opens. Ed looks up to see Rose with a tray of food. She walks over to him.

"Aw, how nice. You came to feed me. Ahhhh." Ed said, opening his mouth wide to be fed.

Rose puts the tray just out of Ed's reach, then turned to leave.

_How cold._Ed thought. "Hey, was that really your boyfriend you saw?"

Rose stopped for a moment, clenching her fists, then ran off.

Ed sighed, then reached for the tray of food with his leg. He heard a sound next to him, and looked beside him smiling cutely.

Meanwhile in Cornello's bedroom

Cornello is having a bad dream. The ouros-borus had appeared, and a red snake formed, and bared his fangs at him. "DON'T EAT ME!" Cornello yelled, sitting up. "Phew. It was only a dream." Cornello said, putting a hand to his chest. He looks up to see a mysterious, busty lady sitting on a chair across from him.

"The Philosopher's Stone was supposed to be our out secret. Remember?" The mysterious woman said, half covered in shadows.

_Oh, crap_ Cornello thought.

elsewhere

Rose opened the door to Kain's room in her first appearance in the chapter. "Kain, I'm sorry. I know you need to rest, but I really wanted to talk to you." Rose said, stepping closer to Kain's bed.

A silhouette appeared behind the bed's curtain. "Rose?"

Rose smiled, stepping another step closer. She heard the door open behind her. Father Cornello stepped in behind her. "Gasp! Father Cornello, I'm sorry I came without permission but…"

Cornello smiled, Suddenly, a wind picked up.

Rose looked behind her. "Bigger gasp!"

A weird, bird chimera sat on the bed, looking gross.

"Ewwwww!" Rose said, stepping back.

"I'm sorry Rose. Even with the power of the Philosopher's Stone, I didn't feel like risking my life for you. So I just sacrifice the soul's of birds. Well, time for you to die." Cornello said, lifting his hand with the ring. It flashed, then the chimera made a shrieking sounds, jumping off the bed onto the ground.

"Say hi to Kain for me." Cornello said, and left the room.

"Rose. Rose." The chimera said, twitching.

"No. No. YEEEEEEEEEK!" Rose screamed covering her eyes as the chimera pounced.

Cornello walked down the hall. "Heh. I keel her dead. Now, time to keel Ed dead."

"BOOOOO! YOU SUCK CORNELLO! WE HATE YOU! HISSS!" The audience said, throwing moldy tomatoes at Cornello.

Cornello gets hit with moldy tomatoes. Wiping them off, he headed for the dungeon.

Rose opens her eyes. She sees the chimera on the ground, making weird choking sounds and drooling out bile. She looks up at Al, who just punched the chimera's lights out.

"It's dangerous here. Let's go." Al said, holding out her hand to her.

Rose stared at his hand, then looked at the bile-drooling chimera. She grimaced, then nodded.

"We're finally back to the star of the show. About time." Ed said.

Cornello walks into the dungeon.

"Ugh. You smell like moldy tomatoes, moldy cheese, AND old bird poop." Ed said, grimacing. "Geez, haven't you heard of something called water? And soap?"

"Shut up!" Cornello said, a vein popping on his bald head.

"Well, anyway, everyone's gonna find out that you're a fraud." Ed said.

"Yeah, right. Those stupid believers can't even tell the difference between alchemy and miracles."

"Yeah? So how does that help you? Explain your plain, in detail."

Cornello smiled evily.

For some reason, we go back to Al and Rose.

"Alchemy is based on the law of equivalent exchange. To obtain, something of equal value most be lost. My brother is a total genius, but that's because he studied hard." Al explained, connecting wires to stuff.

"I didn't really care about this stuff. But wait, what's the equivalent exchange for your brother being do drop-dead sexy?" Rose asked, standing next to him.

Ignoring Rose's comment, Al said "This is why he is who is is."

"That makes no sense. But wait, you payed the price. What happened to your mom?" Rose asked Al.

"I think it's time to start." Al said, standing up and ignoring Rose again.

"What? How rude." Rose said, folding her arms in a huff.

Al clicked a button, and the speaker squeaked loudly. Ed's smexy voice can be heard, echoing through the whole town. "So you were after the money after all." Ed said.

"Ed?" Rose said.

"Nah. I can get as much money as I want in the form of donations from my followers." Cornello's old crusy voice echoed.

"Gasp!" Rose said.

"No, what I want are believers who are willing to sacrifice their lives for me. They believe I can resurrect them, so they're not scared to die. Those believers will turn into the ultimate army!" Cornello said, turning his back to Ed. "Just watch! I will start taking over the country in a couple of years!" Then Cornell laughed loudly and evily.

Ed stared at him, bringing his arms down and sighed. "I don't give a rat's ass about your stupid plan."

"What? You should, your in the military!" Cornello said, looking at Ed.

"You can't revive anyone right?"

"Of course! Even with the Stone, I wouldn't even risk my life for mere pawns!"

Ed took a bite out of some bread.

"Wait, weren't your hands bound?" Cornello asked, staring at Ed.

Ed smiled smexly, then schooched over to show the microphone.

Cornello gasped. "HOLY SNAP AND CRAP!" He yelled, his voice echoing through the town.

"How…How long was that microphone been on!"

"From the beginning! You just exposed your entire plan."

"How did you get my broadcasting equipment!"

"Al took it. You see, what you captured last night was just some junk I transmuted to look like Al."

"No! These are all lies! LIES I TELL YOU!" Cornello yelled, then shooting sounds could be heard before it was quiet.

The smoke cleared, showing the destroyed microphone. He panted, holding up the large gun that he had magically obtained. He looked to his side and SLICE! Ed slashes his gun in half with his automail blade.

"Heh. That was easy." Ed said, striking a very smexy pose. His automail reflected the light with a DING!

"WOOOOO!THAT WAS SOO FRIKKIN' HOT! WE LOVE YOU EDWARD! SMEXYNESS!" Shouted the audience, going nutsy coo-coo.

"Uh…uh…. MOMMY!" Cornello yelled, dropping what was left of his gun and running away. "Hah, hah, hah, must…run…faster…" Cornello breathed, running down the hall as fast as his stubbly little legs can carry him. He ran outside. "GASP!" Cornello said loudly.

A hugie mob has formed outside. "Father Cornello! Was the broadcast true?"

Cornello grunted, then a lightbulb appeared on top of Cornello's head. He flicked it away and said, "I don't know how that broadcast copied my voice. But it is all a conspiracy. To prove it, I will eliminate it using the power of the sun god! Behold the power of Leto!" Cornello said, lifting his hand. DING! The statues came to life again. They started walking down the street.

"Woah! It's a miracle! The statues of Leto are moving!" The crowd shouted.

"Heh." Cornello laughed, then looked behind him. Ed stood behind him. "Just give it up." Ed said annoyed.

"Heh. Without this, all you can transmute is your auto-mail." Cornello said, dangling Ed's watch.

"Old bald guy, I'll show you the real wrath of God." Ed said, clapping his hands and slamming them on the ground. He transmuted the huge statue of Leto that was inside, and it slammed through the ground. It stood really tall, everyone gazing at it.

"Impossible! Even I can't move such a large object with the Philosopher's Stone!" Cormello exclaimed in shock.

"The punishment he received had little effect on him." Al said, popping out of nowhere with Rose inside the crowd. "My brother is the Full Metal Alchemist!"

Ed stood there, looking hot and smexy.

"WOOOOO! YOU RULE! SO HOT! MARRY ME ED! NO, ME! HE'S MARRYING ME BITCH! NO ME YOU HOR!" The audience started fighting with each other.

The statue of Leto lifted his fist, and sent it hurtling toward Cornello.

"HOLY FISH NUGGETS!" Cornello yelled, lifting his arms over his head.

BANG! The statue's fist slammed into the ground in front of Cornello. Cornello fell to the ground, going tinkle on himself. _Damn, I thought I stopped doing that in my pants when I was 11._ Cornello thought, looking at his wet pants.

Ed stood in front of him, looking hot.

"YAAAAAAY!" The audience yelled.

"My stone! You can't have it!" Cornello said, standing up and starting to run off. BZAP! "Pain!" Cornello said in pain, falling to his knees. "G GYAAAAAAAAHHHH!" He screamed, holding his now deformed arm that was pulsing.

"Ewwwwww. A rebound." Ed said, running over to Cornello.

"AUUUUGH! IT HURTS! I'M GONNA PEE IN MY PANTS AGAIN!" Cornello said in pain.

"Again?"

"AUUUUUUGH!"

Ed lifted his arm to see the Stone. It blinked, then went dull and imploded.

"A fake?" Ed said shocked. "Heh. You caused all this trouble…lied to the town…make us go though all that hard work AND try to kill us. And it's a fake?" Ed said, standing up. "DAMN YOU TO HELL!" Ed yelled.

Later that day

Ed sighed, holding his watch in front of his face. "We went through all that for nothing. What a rip-off. I thought I could finally return you to your body."

"You should think about yourself Nii-san. Auto-mail causes a lot of problems." Al said.

"Whatever, let's go." Ed said, putting his watch back in his pocket and standing up.

"How could you…"

Ed and Al looked up seeing Rose. "You asshole! You destroyed my sense of hope! Now how am I gonna live my life? I might as well end it all now and slit my wrists!" Rose yelled at Ed.

"SHUT UP BITCH! ED'S TRYING TO HELP YOU DAMMIT! ROSE, YOU HOR! I LOVE YOU ED!" Shrieked the audience.

"Don't. We need you for the end of the series. Remember, crazy psycho lady trying to take over your body. Read the script dammit." Ed said, folding his arms.

"We have a script? I thought it was just improv." Rose said.

"Whatever." Ed said, turning his back to Rose. "Oh yeah, I forgot to say this. You have a good pair of legs, so use them. USE THEM DAMMIT! USE THEM WHILE YOU STIIL CAN! USE THEM BEFORE THEY ARE STOLEN AWAY BY NAKED DEMON GATE BABIES!"

"…what?"

"….nothing." Ed started to walk off. Rose fell to her knees.

Al kneeled beside her. "Don't mind my brother. That's just who he is."

"Just shut the hell up and go away." Rose said, looking away.

"Fine, geez. Ms. Attitude." Al said in a huff, standing up and walking after Ed.

elsewhere

"How could this happen?" Cornello said from inside his room, holding his now deformed arm. "Didn't you say I can take over the country with the Philosopher's Stone? Why did I get a fake?" He asked mysterious busty woman. Not-as-mysterious fat guy sat next to her.

"I did say something like that, didn't I." She said, leaning back a little. "All I wanted you to do was cause some trouble."

Cornello stepped back. "Who are you? What are you?"

"Hey Lust, can I eat the old guy?" Not-as-mysterious fat guy said, revealing the name of the myseriously busty woman.

"Oh, sn-" Cornello got eaten as the screen turns black and disgusting sounds of a body being ripped apart can be heard.

elsewhere

Somewhere far away, two guys were flying thought the air. They were…Tommy and Ron from episode 1! And they're still flying. No longer screaming they flew though the air in silence.

"Dude, this sucks. Like, really hard." Ron said.

"I'm hungry." Tommy complained.

"Oh! Just remembered! I got chocolate!" Ron said, pulling out a chocolate bar.

"Ooo! Gimme!" Tommy said, flapping his arms so he can get closer to Ron. And the chocolate.

"No way dude. This is MY chocolate. And you can't have her."

"Her?"

"Don't worry baby. I won't let the mean man get you. You know that I love you." Ron said, then started to make out with his chocolate bar.

"Ok. That is wrong in SO many levels." Tommy said disgusted.

Then Tommy and Ron…..got hit by an airplane that had randomly appeared and killed them both. Then the airplane disappeared, erasing all evidence of their existence. (**Yeah, that's right. I guess. I don't know. I'm tired. It's like, 3 AM. And I felt like hitting someone with an airplane. Sue me.)**

Even more later that day that the sun started to set

"This bites."

"Where did that bastard Cornello go?"

"Was there any point in that last interlude?"

"When I find him, I'm gonna…"

"GASP!" Some guy sees a bunch of dead birds all over the ground.

"Eh?"

"What's this?"

"What the hell was he doing here?"

"How terrible."

"Muffins."

"The poor birdies."

Cornello walks over in traveling clothes. Eh? Isn't he supposed to be dead? Is what your probably thinking right now. Cornello picks up a dead birdy. He lifts it, and all the birdies spring to life and fly into the sky.

"It's a miracle…"

"But wait, he could be using another trick again."

"But they came back to life!"

"When I was on my honeymoon, some devil must have done very naughty things here. Is everyone okay?" Cornello said.

"You are the real…the real Father Cornello?"

Cornello nodded.

The crown cheered. "FATHER CORNELLO! YOU RULE!"

The audience booed. "FATHER CORNELLO! YOU SUCK!"

High up in the sky, all the birdies go splodey. Of course, no one notices.

"Sorry Envy. You'll have to remain in that form for a while." Lust said from a window.

'Cornello' looks at the window and smiled.

**In the next episode/chapter, there will be starting of the flashback of what happened about 3 or 4 years ago. Because the idiot scriptwriters left you hanging in episode one and now spending like, 6 episodes fill of flashbacks. Doesn't that suck. Unfortunately for you, you won't find out what happened to Michael Jackson for a while now. Sorry! Also, it's getting annoying typing: she said, he said, it said. Ah well. Time to sleep. ZZZZZZZZZZZ**

**Anywhos, everytime you don't review…more birds go splodey. So for the love of our feathery, pooping friends, please review! Unless you don't like birds. Review anyway for the sake of reviewing!**


	4. Flashbacks

**Howdy y'all!! It's another random chapter of Full Metal Alchemist in a Nutshell!! I for one, want to thank you for reading this far into the fanfiction. Thank you so much for liking it!! I'm beginning to notice that for a nutshell, this is very long. Ah well. I'll just merge some of the episodes together. I wish I can hurry up and get to some of the later episodes 'cause I got a lot of good ideas while spacing out in my English, Spanish, and science classes. And sorry that this chapter took a while to put up. I got a lot of things to do like….staring into space, thinking about Full Metal Alchemist related thing, going on the Risembool Ranger forum, talking to fellow Rangers, and not doing my homework. It helps to listen to music while writing fanfics. Usually I listen to Ayumi Hamasaki, Vic Mignogna, or Nightwish. I'm like, obsessed over all of them, but Nightwish I know the most songs to. I have like, counts 28 Nightwish songs on my computer so far. Only 2 Vic Mignogna songs and 8 Ayumi Hamasaki songs, but I only like 3 of the Ayumi songs so far. Check them out if you haven't already. Ayumi's a japenese singer, and I got no idea what she's saying. Vic is a great singer, and the 2 songs I have, Brothers and Nothing I Won't Give has to do with Full Metal Alchemist / Ed and Al. Nightwish is kinda gothic. My friend thinks its emo music, but it's really a rock metal/ gothic metal band. Kinda hard to describe music. Right now, I'm listening to "Dark Chest of Wonders." By Nightwish. Fav Nightwish song right now. Enough ramblings. Now for the disclaimer! **

**Disclaimer: This is the LAST time I'm doing the disclaimer. I mean it. I'm getting so tired of this. I don't own this, I don't own that. Geez! It's making me feel very….sad that I don't own stuff. I like to look at what I DO own, like the laptop I'm typing on right now, then the stuff I don't own, like Full Metal Alchemist and all the characters in it.**

**Pancakes. Which I also don't own. T.T But I do own waffles, which pwn the pancakes.**

"Hey everyone. It's me, Alphonse Elric. I'm here to tell you what happened, and why I ended up in this armor body since they skipped explaining that part in episode 1." Al said, waving to everyone.

"Hey Al, watcha doing?" Ed asked, walking over.

"Nii-san, I'm trying to do the commentary!"

"So? You interrupted me when I was doing my commentary on the 1st episode. Hey everyone." Ed said, winking into the audience and smiling.

"WOOOOOOO!!!! WE LOVE YOU EDWARD!!! MARRY US!!!!! YEAH!!! YOUR HOT!!!!" Yelled the audience.

"See that Al? Fan-girls. Yeah, they love me." Ed said, flipping his hair.

"Must you always brag?" Al said, folding his arms.

Ed smiled. "Yes."

Al sighed. "Of course."

"So, you gonna keep doing your commentart?" Ed asked Al.

"As soon as you leave, yeah." Al said in a slightly annoyed tone.

Ed laughed. "Okay, see you later." Ed said, winking at the audience again.

"ZOMG, ED JUST WINKED AT ME!! HE WINKED AT ME BITCH!! IDIOTS, HE WINKED AT ME!! JUST SHUT UP!! I'M TRYING TO WATCH THE EPISODE!!!! WELL, I'M TRYING TO SEE ED!!!I LOVE YOU ED!! I LOVE HIM MORE! SHUT UUUUP!! MAKE ME! DAMN YOU!! KYAAAAH!!!" The audience yelled, getting into a big fight as Ed left.

"Um…okay, back to the episode." Al said, and the Screen faded. It faded back, showing the small town of Risembool. (or Rizenbul in the japenese dub)

"This is boring!!" A little girl said, holding a dog. It was Winry! But you don't know that yet because she hasn't had an appearance in the show yet. Until like…now.

Two boys were doodling on the floor. They were…Ed and Al when they were 6 and 5.

"Awwwww!!! Ed's soooooooooo cute!!" The audience squealed, then they saw Al. "Awwwwwwww!!!!!! Al's so cute!!" they squealed.

_Yay, I have fan-girls!!_ Al thought, hopping up and down.

"Al? What the hell?" Ed asked.

"Nothing. Just wait a little bit more Winry." Al said, sitting down again.

"There, all done." Ed said, smiling. A large transmutation circle was on the floor.

"Watch this Winry." Ed said.

"Hey, you said you were gonna give me a present! I don't want no lousy circle thingy." Winry whined.

"We are gonna give you a present. We're gonna make it now." Al said.

Ed and Al got sand or dirt out of nowhere and poured it onto the circle. They put their hands on the transmutation circle. Yellow glow comes from transmutation. "OOOO!!" Winry said.

The sand started twisting around, transmuting.

"YEEEEEEEKK!!!" Winry said, dropping her dog and covering her eyes. She started crying.

"Winry?" Al and Ed stopped transmuting, and went over to Winry. A doll lay on the ground, smiling and staring.

"That was our first transmutation. Making a doll."

Later that day

Ed and Al sat outside of Winry's house.

"This is all Winry's fault." Winry's dad said.

"Ed and Al were just making a present for you. They weren't trying to scare you." Winry's mom said.

"I'm sorry about this." Trisha Elric said.

"Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah." Pinako said, appearing out of nowhere and holding up a doll. "Ed and Al are blah blah blah etc. etc. and this doll is yadda yadda blah blah blah."

"Uh…I don't know what you're saying." Trisha said. "Hmm. Ed and Al shouldn't know any alchemy. Oh well."

Back to Ed and Al. They look up, seeing their mom. They stand up.

They all walked home. Trisha looked through the Alchemy book. "When did you guys learn alchemy from Dad?" She asked, closing the book.

"How can we learn from someone who's never here?" Ed said.

"We read it in the book." Al said.

"And you understood it?" Trisha asked in disbelief.

"Kinda." Ed and Al said together.

"Did we do something bad?" Ed asked.

"Of course not! I'm proud of you. I'm gonna brag about you to all my friends." Trisha said.

Ed and Al smiled at each other.

So later that day that it was the next morning

"Remember to put the books back where you got them from."

"Okay!"

"And thank your Dad when he comes home."

"Okay!"

"And don't go through that door over there."

"Okay!!"

Ed and Al ran into their Dad's study. "Hey, look at this! Wow! And this!"

BANG! An avalanche of books fell on Ed and Al. Trisha sighed, covering her face with her hand.

A couple of clips past the screen including Al bragging that he was taller then Ed with Ed tearing, Trisha staring out a window, Al blushing as Ed makes fun if him for going tinkle in his bed, and Ed and Al half asleep while reading alchemy books. "Mom started staring out into a distance ever since our Dad went off to some business without telling us where he was going or when he'll be back." Al explained.

"But after we started learning alchemy, she started to smile more, and would compliment us. So, we completely devoted ourselves to learning alchemy." Al said as you see Ed and Al transmute some origami swan thingy.(**I don't know why. Can't they just fold the paper themselves?**) Trisha looks at them and smiles in slow motion.

2 years later when Ed was an adorable 8 year old and Al was a cute 7 year old.

"Mom! Mom! Look! Look!" Ed and Al shouted.

"What is it?" Trisha said, looking away from her laundry.

"See!" Ed said, holding up a little metal horse thingy-ma-bobber and smiling proudly.

"Nii-san made it!" Al said. "But I can still only make this one though." Al said, holding up his not-as-perfect thingy-ma-bobber.

"That's incredible you two." Trisha said, smiling. She picked up Ed's thingy-ma-bobber. "You are really his children."

Ed and Al smiled. "Will Dad compliment us too?" Al asked.

Ed and Trisha's face fell. Trisha smiled again. "Yes. He will do that when he comes back."

Al smiled. Ed grabbed his thingy-ma-jigger and ran off. "I'm going to Winry's house." He called.

"Nii-san!" Al ran after him.

Trisha watched them leave, her face falling again.

Ed and Al sat on a hill, staring out at the distance. Al looked at Ed. "Nii-san, do you really hate Dad?" He asked.

"Of course I hate that bastard." Ed said, hugging his knees. "Whenever we talk about him, Mom makes a weird face. I don't like that."

"Sorry." Al said, looking down.

Ed patted Al on the head, then stood up picking up his thingy-ma-jiggy. "Let's go to Winry's place." He said.

Later at Winry's house

Winry is crying, her arms folded on the table and her face hidden.

"W-what do you mean?" Al asked.

"Like I said, Mom and Dad died." Winry cried.

"But your parents are only doctors." Ed said.

"Yes. That's why they had to leave the war to Ishbal…they died there." Winry said.

Winry… that's like what happened to us and our dad so…" Al said, walking over to the table and placing his thingy-ma-jigger on the table near Winry.

"It's not the same!" Winry cried, whacking the thingy. It fell to the ground in an overly dramatic style. "They're dead! That means they can never come back! Your dad just ran out on you!" Winry yelled.

"That's not true." Ed said, picking up Al's thingy-ma-thinger. "I read in this book about a thing called a Homunculus. It's like a doll with no soul. But maybe with alchemy…"

"Stop." Pinako said. "You know that's forbidden. Alchemy isn't perfect. That's why auto-mail engineers like us exist."

"Wrinkly old hag." Ed mumbled.

"GYAAAAAAHHH!!!!" Ed and Al yelled as different tools and machinery were thrown at them. They ran out of the house, screaming.

Ed and Al slowly walked toward their house. "I feel sorry for Winry." Al said.

Ed looked up seeing their mom. She smiled at them and waved. Ed ran to her, and hugged her crying. Al followed him.

"What's wrong, you two?" Trisha asked. "What's wrong Edward? You're a big boy now. You're too old for this." She said, patting their heads as they cried.

"Awwwwwww." The audience said, wiping away tears.

"Hey! You weren't supposed to show that clip!" Ed yelled at Al. "That like, totally destroys my manly image!"

_Why do you think I showed it._Al thought. "Sorry Nii-san." Al said.

Another two years later when Ed is 10 and Al is 9

"Al, you're too slow!" Ed called, running ahead and carrying a basket of food. They laughed as they ran, not knowing that their lives were about to change forever. (**A/N: Okay, even though this is a parody, I don't really wanna mess up this part. It's just too sad, and I'll feel weird. So instead of twisting it, I'm gonna try be very poetic and descriptive. I'm probably gonna fail miserably though. If you don't like it, just skip this part until you see more bold text.**)

"Sorry we're late mom!" Ed said, opening the door. He gasped.

Trisha lay on the ground. A basket lay on it's side next to her, its contents strewn forgotten on the cold wooden floor.

Ed dropped the basket, running to his fallen mother. Al followed suit. "Mom! Mom!" They called.

Trisha didn't respond, their calls unable to reach her. She lay there, gasping for breath, her face covered in sweat.

Later that day

"I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do. She has had this sickness for years now, and never told anyone." A doctor told Pinako. Pinako looked sadly at the house.

Trisha lay on the bed, gasping for breath. Strands of her hair stuck to her sweat covered face. Ed and Al sat next to her, hoping their mom would be alright. "Dear…" She said quietly. Ed winced.

Even more later that day

"These are all the letters addressed to him." Ed said, putting his hand on the small pile of letters. "If we write letters to everyone here, explaining the situation, maybe…."

"Someone will know where Dad is and maybe he'll come home?" Al asked.

"I don't want him to come back! But it can't be helped… dammit."

That night

The wind blew hard, making the trees sway and bend.

"There is money that your father left for us… I haven't used any of it. Use that, and live off it together." Trisha said weakly from her bed, holding onto Ed and Al's hand. She squeezed gently on their hands.

"What are you talking about Mom?" Ed asked, smiling gently at her.

"Edward, can you transmute something for me?" Trisha asked, her voice faint. "Yes, a flower decoration would be nice."

"What?" Ed asked.

"He…always…" Trisha whispered. Her ears faded from their usual bright green to a dark green. "…made them for me." Trisha closed her eyes slowly and she drew her last breath. Her hand that was holding Ed and Al's hand loosened.

Soon after

A grave. Covered in bundles of white flowers. "Trisha Elric" It read. People looked at it, dressed in black. Al crying, hugging his knees. Ed stared at the grave, his fists clenched.

Everyone gradually left. In the afternoon, only Ed, Al, Winry, and Pinako left.

The sun set. Ed and Al were the only ones in the graveyard.

"Nii-san…" Al said, his voice wavering. "I'm hungry. I'm cold too." Al looked up at his brother. "How are we ever going to live without her?"

"We're not. Al...let's bring Mom back." Ed said, not turning his eyes away from his mother's grave.

Al looked at Ed, tears still running down his face. (**A/N: Okay, that wasn't really descriptive. There was barely anything to describe anyway. Usually, I'm good at this kinda stuff. But, now I'm back to twisting FMA around. XD**)

Some other time that's probably the next day

"Look, his equations!" Ed said. Ed and Al sat in the room that was strictly forbidden, but who's gonna stop them now? "I don't understand the details, but there's stuff about human transmutation written here. If we can just figure it out…"

"But…it says that human transmutation is forbidden. Maybe this is a bad idea." Al said.

"No it's not! Anyone would be happy if a dead person was brought back to life. Everyone who tried it failed, so the adults banned it because they couldn't do it." Ed said. "If you, Mom, and I could live a happy life again, I'm sure Mom would love it too.

"I still think this is a bad idea. Maybe we should ask Dad first." Al said.

"Mom died because of him! Mom was waiting for him, but he didn't even come to her funeral. If this is something he couldn't do, then I'll make sure I can do it." Ed said, clenching his fists.

"So after that, we found a teacher to train us. Then, that day when we got back…" Al said.

"Water, 35 liters. Carbon, 20 kilograms. Ammonia, 4 liters. Lime, 1.5 kilograms." Ed said.

"Phosphorus, 800 grams. Salt, 250 grams. Niter, 100 grams. Fluorine, 7.5 grams. Iron, 5 grams. Silicon, 3 grams." Al said.

"These are the elements that make up one adult human body. And this is the construction equation. We will call back Mom's spirit, and bind it to the body." Ed said.

"Nii-san, will this really work?" Al asked.

"It's too late for that, Al." Ed said.

"But what if we fail and end up in a having our soul in suit of armor or having to get auto-mail?" Al asked, looking worried.

"Idiot, that's won't happen. The theory's perfect." Ed insisted.

"But alchemy is done with equivalent exchange right? We have the materials for the body… but what are we gonna use to transmute Mom's soul?" Al asked.

"Give me your finger." Ed said, pulling out a knife from nowhere. He cut Al's finger, then cut his, wincing. "This will be the soul's information." Ed said, holding out his bleeding finger. Al copied him. Drops of their blood fell onto the pile of elements in an over dramatic fashion. "Let's do this Al."

And we now see a view of outside. It's raining hard, and everything's dark. Oh, look. It's some guy wearing black with a goofy hat. Hey, that rhymes! Well, anyway, the guy says to himself "Risembool Village, eh?"

Back to the Elric brothers. They had just started transmuting. And you know what happens next. Al's body disappears with a white glow, Ed reaching desperately to Al, but fails. "The last thing I remember seeing was Nii-san's left leg being decomposed and disappearing. And…" ( **How fair is that? Ed's the one who insisted on bringing his Mom back, yet Al paid the ultimate price. Shouldn't it be the opposite way around? Though, I'm not complaining, I can't imagine nor want a canned Ed. shudders)**

Everything goes black. A small light fades on, and the room lights up. White mist covers the floor and fills the air. Al sat up. He gasped, seeing his armor body. He looks at his hand. "What the…" He looks up, seeing Ed. He gasped again.

"Sorry…Al." Ed said, quietly, his right arm gone. Where it used to be was bleeding, and he covered the wound up as best as he can with his left hand.

"Nii-san!" Al said, standing up. He ran over to him, and picked him up gently. "Nii-san, what happened to me? And…your arm…"

"All I could do…was sacrifice my right arm… and bind your soul to some armor." Ed said, panting.

"Nii-san…" Al said quietly. _I want to say 'I told you so but…_' Al thought. Ed winced in pain. "What…what happened to Mom?"

"Don't look…she wasn't human…" Ed said. Al, of course, looks. He gasps, seeing an unconscious guy on the ground. (**A/N: When I started the nutshell, I made the failed human transmutation Michael Jackson. Cause, he totally looks like a failed human transmutation. shudders But later on, when I was watching episode 49, I realized that I completely forgot about Sloth. sweatdrop Ugh, getting confuzzled. . Then I remembered about the whole, eating the red stone thing, so its all good.**)

"Ewwww. But…why? You're theory should've been perfect." Al said.

"My theory wasn't wrong. We were…the ones that were wrong." Ed said quietly before losing consiousness. (**A/N: I must be annoying you with these notes aren't I? Well, anyway, I don't get why he said that. Cause, later in the anime/manga, it says that no one could make a human transmutation or something like that. They didn't do anything wrong or was the wrong thing or something. Now, I'm really confused. .**)

A short period of time later

"Please… please help Nii-san!" Al said, his armor covered in Ed's blood. He held Ed in his arms. He stood in Winry's doorway.

"Al…is that you?" Winry said. Pinako gasped and looked at him.

More time later. These time skips are getting annoying

"You two came back from your training? So, what happened?" Winry asked him. Ed lay on the bed, bandaged.

"Don't tell me you tried to bring back your mother." Pinako said.

"I see." Said a guy who just rudely barged into the house. It was the guy in the hat from before. "That was the light of a human transmutation. I've never seen such a strong transmutation reaction before. Excuse me." He said, pulling out a pocket watch.

"A State Alchemist?" Al asked. (**A/N: This one will be fast. I mostly have the Japanese dub with subtitles, which I hate cause the voices suck and I'd rather hear Vic Mignogna then the other guy who's name I cam't remember, and at first, they call them National Alchemists. Also, in the beginning, when Ed loses his leg, before he sees the blob thingy, he cried "No! They took my arm!" Hello!! It's clearly a leg that's missing! That wasn't as fast as I thought, I apologize.**)

"And what do you want?" Pinako asked coldly. "As you can see, these two are severely wounded."

"I got this letter." He said, holding up a letter.

"That's one of the letters Nii-san wrote." Al said.

"We've also been searching for your father, Hohenhiem." He said.

"Their father is still missing." Pinako said. "Someone's hurt. You don't have to go home, but ya gotta get the hell outta here.."

"If he lives after performing a human transmutation, then maybe I could use him…" He said. "He might be able to be a great State Alchemist."

"Didn't you hear me?! Get out!" Pinako said.

He turned, walking slowly toward the door. "I am the State Alchemist, Lieutenant Colonel, Roy Mustang. Go to Central City." Roy said, opening the door and leaving.

That morning

Winry walked into Ed's room, carrying a bowl of water and a cloth. She placed the damp cloth on Ed's head. She sighed, turning around and seeing Al. "Oooo." She said, looking up at him. She patted his shoulder, rubbed his leg, and sat on him.

"Um…good morning Winry." Al said.

"Ack!" Winry jumped back. "Al! You're awake! I'm sorry." She said

Yet another time skip

"Auntie, there's some money at our house." Ed said as Pinako rebandaged him.

"Stupid, don't worry about money."

"That's not what I meant. Give me auto-mail with that money. I'm gonna see that Roy guy, and become a State Alchemist. I need an arm and leg to do that right?" Ed said.

"You were listening to that?" Pinako asked.

"I heard from our teacher that if I can become a State Alchemist, I can read the rare documents the military are in charge of, and I'll get funds to conduct any research I want."

"Ed…are you still…" Pinako said.

Time skip to an unknown time period. o.O

Loud bangs can be heard as Winry and Pinako work on Ed's auto-mail. "Bear with us. This is the best auto-mail we've ever made." Winry said.

Ed clenched his teeth, suppressing the pain. Al opened the door slowly, trying to get in.

"Al, go away! Don't come in!" Winry said. Al quickly closed the door.

"Wow Ed, I'm surprised. Even adults would scream and cry in pain. We're connecting each nerve to the machinery, after all." Pinako said, wiping her forehead.

"Dammit, what are you blabbing about?! This hurts like hell!!" Ed said loudly. "But it's nothing…compared to how Al's feeling right now….." Ed said as you see Al sitting outside the door, sad and alone.

And then…..there was another time skip cause they just can't _stand_ being in the same time period for more then 5 minutues.

Al's outside, practicing his martial arts skills, kicking and punching at the air. He stopped, looking to the side. "Let's do what we used to." Al said. "Nii-san."

Ed walked toward him. "Great, the start of another pointless scene that has nothing to do with the plot of the show." Ed said sighing. "Well anyway…"

Al sighed, if he can sigh as a suit of armor. "Nii-san, can't you just say the line? Is it really that hard?" He asked.

"Shut up! It's not like I have a choice! I'm not writing this!" Ed said, annoyed. "So anyway, you think you can beat me in that body?"

"I'm not gonna lose to an auto-mail." Al said.

Ed smirked, taking his hands out of his pocket. He quickly punched at Al.

**(Okay, totally pointless fighting scene I don't really feel like typing about 'cause I'm like tired. So anyway, Ed and Al talk as they're fighting which is so totally weird, while the music from Brothers is heard in the backround. Don't ask me, ask the scriptwriters.)**

"Nii-san, you really gonna be a State Alchemist?"

"I dunno. Might as well try. Got nuttin better to do."

"Don't. This will just make more pointless episodes."

"Well too bad. I've already decided."

"Then I wanna be one too!"

"You can't. So, HA!"

"Meanie. Okay, topic change. Nii-san, you still gonna try and transmute Mom?"

"………….."

"You said that we were wrong right?"

"………….."

"Say something dammit!!"

Al punched at Ed. Ed jumped out of the way, and Al crashed onto the ground in a very comical way. Ed landed on the ground, looking very hot for an 11 year old.

"I'm gonna be a State Alchemist. And I'm gonna find out how to bring back your arm and leg." Al said, standing up.

"Don't worry about that stuff." Ed said.

"But it's my fault! If I just tried to stop you…. You wouldn't have lost your leg! And you even sacrificed your arm to put my soul in this armor….."

Ed kicked Al very hard in the face. "Ow! Owowowowowow!!!" Ed said, holding his foot and holding on the other one.

Al gasped as he flew through the air, falling into the lake. (**which was _very_ dangerous, 'cause what if the water splashed against Al's blood seal? Exactly. But then again, you don't know about the blood seal yet. At least, your not supposed to. shifty eyes**)

"You idiot……what are you supposed to do in that body?" Ed said, fishing Al out of the lake.

"Nii-san…." Al said quietly.

"I'll find a way to get your original body back."

"So, you've given up on Mom?"

"Duh! If we try and bring her back, no telling what would happen." Ed said. "Also…..I don't want to lose you." Ed said.

"YAY!" Shouted the Elricest fans that were hidden in the audience. The fangirls stared at them, and proceeded to beat them to a pulp.

"I'm gonna come too." Al said, ignoring the audience members.

"Huh? Why?" Ed asked.

"'Cause you slack off when I'm not there." Al said a matter of factly.

"Damn…." Ed muttered.

"And…..I never want to be separated from you." Al said.

"YAY!" The Elricest fans shouted again in their pulpy states. The fangirls looked at each other, then the Elricest fans and started beating the crap out of them.

And…oh look! Winry, Pinako and Den who has auto-mail for 'unknown reasons' are spying on Ed and Al. The nerve of some people…

And now, time skip!

Fire! Let's watch the Elric house burn! YAY!

The roof! The roof! The roof is on fire! To hell with water, let it burn!

The Elric house is burning, burning down to the ground.

Alchemy books are burning. Guess you can't learn from those books anymore.

The window explodes glass and fire. Heh heh heh.

Ed throws yet another burning branch in the massive fireball that used to be his house. Very dangerous kids! Do not, I repeat do NOT try this at home. That is, if you still want your home.

The smoke from the fire flies up into the sky, polluting everything in sight.

Ed and Al stand there, watching the house burn, which is also dangerous because they might catch on fire.

Yay! Close up on Ed's face! Awwwww, he's so cute! …….excuse my fangirlism, but I am indeed…..a fangirl. A big one in fact. So, wait as I gaze on Ed's very hot face.

…

…

…

A bedroom is burning, wood from the ceiling collapsing.

"Even though we're trying to get back out original bodies, we are still seeking human transmutation, which is taboo. And if we fail….again, we might just poof! Disappear forever. We're not even sure if we will get punished with something even worse then that. But we can't go back. So we burned down our house the day we left." Al said as all this is going on.

Ed and Al slowly walk away from the house, Ed 11 and Al 10.

Yay! Another close up of Ed's face! Awwwwww!!!!!!!! Bishiness!!! fangirl squeal

Audience is crying. "WAAAAAAAHHH!!! THE EPISODE'S OVER! EDDY-KUN! NOOOOO!!!!" They cried, the bodyguard peoples pushing them out.

**FINALLY!!!!! I'm finally done! So happy! It took me soooooo long to get this chapter done! Now….I can start on the next chapter! Yay! Random thing, on Monday (writing this part on a Thursday) I'm gonna dress up as a hippie for theater arts! Then, I'm gonna stay a hippie and freak out my history teacher! YAYS! **

**Ok, preview for the next chapter. Ahem. clears throat Ed and Al will be traveling to the fabulous town of No name whatsoeva! Where they will meet a girl named Clause snicker and some old dude. And……ZOMBIES!!! Some dead chick is like, coming back to life and killing the villagers. Or….is she? shifty eyes Find out in the next chapter!**

**And like, everytime you don't review….um…….takes deep breath Some kids Mom will suddenly die and they try and bring her back resulting in failure and one of them will be trapped in a suit of armor while the others just have to get auto-mail and they will have to be all angst for most of their lives while they try and find a way to get their original bodies back. gasps for breath So, for the love of something loveable, spare those pathetic kids (not referring to Ed and Al) please review.**


End file.
